Losing a job can be one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. Circumstances often become significantly more complex, and the interim period until new work can be found is usually marked by exhaustion, upset, and a sense of failure. For many, being in a relationship can be a profound source of comfort during this time; however, for one partner to be able to lean on the other, they must understand how to provide support. Couples therapy is a common path toward developing these skills.
Therapy can equip couples with the skills needed to cope with the emotional and practical challenges they experience when one partner loses their job. Most commonly, a person’s finances, identity, and relationship are in the greatest danger, but everyone’s situation is exclusive. Here are some specific strategies for supporting your partner while maintaining a healthy relationship and some basics on when to seek therapy.
Financial Adjustments
The most immediate and looming consequence of job loss is the financial repercussions. Is there still enough money to pay the bills? Which goals and savings routines have been disrupted by this change? The way each partner responds to the financial side of job loss is rooted in their emotional intelligence and ability to cope with stress.
A therapist is a valuable tool here. They can teach couples how to communicate clearly during this time so that everyone understands the new expectations of the relationship and can work towards stability. Who is responsible for which expenses now? What is the outlook for applying for new work? What sacrifices must be made to continue affording basic amenities now?
Successful communication after a job loss can include:
- Setting boundaries (“I appreciate you wanting to spend time together, but I will not be available until I’ve submitted at least seven job applications today”)
- Voicing support (“If you want to talk, I’m here”)
- Clarifying new rules (“We should replace our mid-week lunch date with a home-cooked meal to save money until you find something new”)
- Being vulnerable (“I’m proud of you for taking this so seriously. I feel as though my needs aren’t being met because you’re working so hard on your job search; could we watch a movie together?”)
Regaining a Sense of Self
Many people find at least some part of their identities in their jobs. They are a teacher, a lawyer, or a doctor in addition to their personhood. Right now, fewer places are as volatile as the federal government, with workers facing layoffs and permanent job loss in completely unpredictable ways. These individuals were providing key services for which they could feel accomplished; often, they were proud of the identity they had found while serving the rest of the country. When job loss such as this occurs, a person can feel unmoored or as though they have lost an essential part of themselves.
Couples therapy can help individuals distinguish their own identity from their role at work, enabling them to be confident in who they are independently. Therapists also assist their partners in how to voice their support (“Can I send you job postings when I see them?”) rather than feed into their insecurity (“Did X company ever respond?”).
Conflict and Cooperation
The strain of the interim between jobs can take a toll on couples. Whether they devolve into conflict or cooperation depends on the foundation they have laid so far and the choices they make now. A therapist is beneficial here, as they provide a safe space for each party to voice their concerns, critiques, and needs in neutral territory. The therapist can help the couple communicate clearly so their ideas and needs are not hindered by emotional confusion. This allows the couple to establish a practical roadmap for recovering from job loss.
Signs Couples Therapy Is a Good Next Step
Many couples maneuver job loss on their own, but it may be time for a therapist if:
- You often find yourself getting into fights.
- You experience physical consequences of stress, such as hair loss or weight loss.
- You feel you are not being heard.
- You have become depressed or anxious.
- You are out of ideas to improve your relationship situation.
- One or both of you are slipping into negative habits (e.g., drinking, gambling).
However, it is never too early to invest in couples therapy! Even if you have not encountered these challenges, therapy can teach you valuable skills to strengthen your relationship and work as a team, even during stressful situations such as this.
Recover from Job Loss Smoothly
Job loss is never easy, but it doesn’t have to fracture your relationship. Your partner needs support during this time, and you should not be hard on yourself if you do not know how to provide that support effectively. Contact Village Counseling today to set up an appointment for couples therapy in Maryland so both of you can learn the coping skills and habits you need to bounce back from job loss!