As access to technology continues to improve, so does the amount of time people spend online daily. Never before has it been so simple to open an internet browser and find precisely what you want. The 42 billion annual visits to one of the web’s most significant pornographic sites hint at what many of those internet users set out to find. For professionals practicing couples therapy in Baltimore, the side effects of such regular porn use have become a frequent topic during sessions.
Pornography consumption affects both the psychological and intimate connections between partners, but tackling the issue can be a challenge due to feelings of shame and even hostility. A couples therapist can offer practical strategies for couples to have honest conversations about boundaries, intimacy needs, and rebuilding connection when porn has created relationship challenges.
The Psychology of Porn
One of the most significant impacts that regular pornography use can have is psychological, both for the consumer and their partner. Studies show that consistent porn consumption is associated with anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. Seeing the performers’ bodies, who have been put in makeup, flattering positions, and under camera filters, can produce an unrealistic expectation of how one’s body should look. In turn, this may lead to distress and self-deprecating behaviors.
Another significant risk factor with porn is the way it rewires the brain. Dopamine, the “reward” chemical, rushes through the body during sexual engagement. Pornography can provide this dopamine on demand, resulting in a change to the brain’s tolerance to dopamine. Over time, the threshold to trigger the positive feelings associated with dopamine becomes more challenging, leading a person to feel unfulfilled and unhappy during their day-to-day life. This is also the driving factor behind continued pornography addiction.
How Relationship Dynamics Change After Porn Use
Relationships can quickly change when one or both partners begin to consume porn. In addition to altering a person’s view of themselves and the richness of their lives, it can also change:
- Interactions – Those who consume pornography regularly may see their ability to genuinely connect with their partner decrease (and vice versa). It is easy to use porn anytime to seek connection and fulfillment, which can erode a relationship and cause negative interactions whenever the two partners spend time together.
- Communication – For the majority of couples who are dealing with a partner using pornography, the behavior is done in secret. This can lead to mistrust and a feeling of being deceived, which breaks down the ability to communicate with honesty and vulnerability. The entire relationship can fall apart when these essential, foundational relationship skills are lost.
- Expectations – Perhaps the most noticeable change that many people experience with a porn-consuming partner is a gradual shift in expectations. From a partner’s physical attributes to how a sex act may progress, pornography can make unrealistic behaviors or situations seem normal. This may leave a person’s partner unable to meet expectations, eroding the intimate connection.
Strategies for Overcoming Porn’s Influence
A couples therapist can be an invaluable tool for healing a relationship that has been affected by pornography use. In such a situation, both partners must approach recovery with vulnerability and compassion, not shame and accusation. The therapist’s office can be a safe space to do so.
A therapist is a valuable resource to help couples evaluate and communicate their:
- Honest boundaries – It is rare that both individuals in a relationship find unrestricted pornography use acceptable. Whether they do not want any porn in the house at all or protest certain types of content, it is essential to communicate these feelings. A therapist can help couples set boundaries about pornography use, such as its type, frequency, or relationship impacts, in a way that makes the boundaries reasonable and actionable.
- Needs – When one or both partners feel they have intimate needs that their loved one is not meeting, they may feel resentment. A therapist can help couples identify their needs and create a roadmap.
- Connection – Reestablishing a strong connection after pornography use can be difficult. Secrecy, a lack of vulnerability, and gradually entrenched defensiveness can all hinder open communication and, by association, a close bond. A couples therapist can help partners break down the walls interfering with good communication, learn strategies to communicate well, and even provide a safe place to practice these skills.
Schedule Your Couples Therapy Appointment in Balitmore Today
If your relationship is suffering from the effects of pornography use, it does not necessarily mean the relationship is irrecoverable. Instead, both partners must unite to invest in themselves and their partner. Doing so with the help of a couples therapist can bring your relationship back toward success, restore intimacy, and create clear expectations for the future. Contact Village Counseling today to schedule a session!