Relationships are a common choice for most people. Whether through marriage, close friendships, bonds with family, polycules, or any other arrangement, many individuals strive to maintain strong connections with others. This is valuable in numerous ways, from improving mental wellness to reducing physical dangers such as high blood pressure. However, if frequent arguments are disrupting your bonds with others, you may want to consider couples counseling in Maryland.
One of the most frequent challenges that couples develop over time is cycling back to the same argument. If you feel you have reached an impasse in your conflict, rest assured that healthier communication is possible. You can transform recurring arguments into a deeper understanding and a stronger relationship; you only need to know how to begin.
Why Do You Keep Having the Same Fight?
A multitude of factors can cause fights in relationships: betrayal, lying, misunderstandings, aggression, and more. However, people generally expect fights to be one-and-done. When the same challenge keeps coming up, it may be due to:
Miscommunication
Even if you believe you are clearly articulating your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, your ideas may not reach your partner. Words that make sense to you might not carry the same meaning to them. You may be expecting your partner to read your mind, even if you do not realize such behavior. Until the underlying reason behind the miscommunication is addressed, you may continue to have the same argument.
Expectations
Another driver behind repeated conflicts is unclear expectations. For example, if you ask, “Why aren’t the dishes done?” your partner may apologize and go to do them. However, the next day you come home, and there are more dishes in the sink. Why aren’t the dishes done?
In this example, you are holding an unclear assumption: that the dishes need to be done daily, or that the sink should be clean before cooking dinner, or some other rule that you have not articulated. Your partner may not be aware of this rule, and thus, they continue not to follow it, not because they choose to ignore it, but because they do not know the rules.
Defensiveness
Sometimes, a partner can accurately articulate the source of a challenge. However, their partner may not be in a position to hear it, especially if the roadblock seems to stem from that partner’s behavior or choices. Defensiveness can lead to selective hearing, when a person chooses not to listen or make changes. Because no change is happening, the same argument can keep cropping up.
How to Resolve Recurring Arguments in a Healthy Way
The Institute for Family Studies (IFS) explains that married couples who experience conflict can gain positive outcomes by learning negotiation and conflict-resolution skills, strengthening the relationship over time. To reap this benefit and finally eliminate an argument you have had 20 times, turn your focus toward:
Breaking Negative Cycles
Recurring arguments can stem from negative cycles that affect one or both partners. For instance, if one individual always comes home upset, this sets the stage for conflict from the moment they walk through the door. Focus not on the upset itself, but on what is causing it. Something about the daily routine is contributing to this cyclical confrontation.
Nurturing Empathy
Being present to listen to your partner requires mutual respect, compassion, and active listening. When a disagreement arises, one option to help you both grow closer rather than apart is to write things down.
For example, when your partner is articulating their grievance, take a piece of paper and physically write out their points. Then, read them back. This can help to identify areas of communication breakdown and promote empathy, connection, and restored trust.
Trying Therapy
Therapy can be an invaluable tool in a couple’s arsenal for healthily addressing recurring arguments. Therapists can moderate discussions, helping each partner convey their ideas clearly and without judgment, even if you do not know how to find the words. They can also provide recommendations for exercises and activities that strengthen your bond, improve communication, and identify the core of your recurring argument so that it can be resolved collaboratively.
Address Your Frequent Arguments for Better Communication
Are you having an argument in your relationship that keeps coming up, no matter how many times you try to talk about it? This is common, and it does not mean your relationship is broken or doomed. Instead, it is a powerful opportunity to establish change and grow closer. Contact Village Counseling to schedule a time for couples therapy and see the difference it makes in your relationship.