Relationships are as unique as the people in them, and this means thousands of partnerships may experience a partner with unfavorable tendencies. In the U.S. alone, narcissistic personality disorder affects almost 20 million people, so it is not uncommon to form friendships with a narcissist or even develop a long-term relationship.
However, coping with a narcissistic partner can prove emotionally and mentally challenging, and the relationships that remain strong through this challenge often have help from support networks such as individual therapy and family.
Therapy helps partners to identify narcissistic traits in romantic relationships, including manipulation and gaslighting behaviors. It can provide coping strategies and resources for those struggling in relationships with narcissistic partners by emphasizing self-care and boundary-setting as tools for maintaining mental and emotional well-being.
Understanding Narcissism
Narcissism involves extreme behaviors that focus on the self: thinking unusually highly of oneself, needing validation and admiration, or viewing others as inferior. This often leads to difficulties engaging with other people without causing hurt and often involves narcissists manipulating or emotionally abusing people to get what they want.
Some of the most common indicators of narcissism include:
- A disconnect from reality to avoid fracturing their delusions of grandeur
- A sense of entitlement
- A lack of empathy toward others
- A desire for constant praise
- A tendency to bully or manipulate others
- A sense of superiority not grounded in reality
Gaslighting and Manipulation Tactics
While any of the character traits common with narcissism can be problematic, two in particular often cause trouble in relationships: gaslighting and manipulation.
The term “gaslighting” arose in the mid-1900s as a descriptor of a specific type of manipulation that makes a person question their own experiences and memories. It came from a play called Gas Light, which eloquently captured this concept: a husband repeatedly changed the gas lighting in his home to cause his wife to question her sanity.
She notices the changes, but when she brings it up, her husband insists that she is making it up or that she must be remembering incorrectly. This is gaslighting in a nutshell. Gaslighting is common in relationships with a narcissistic partner. It, like other forms of manipulation, can leave the victim feeling helpless, confused, and unclear about their partner’s intentions.
Partners may experience manipulation through:
- The narcissist playing the victim, even when their partner was the one who was wronged
- Love bombing, when the narcissist showers their partner with affection and attention to make them feel guilty for having any negative impressions
- Projection, when the narcissist blames their victim for feeling a certain way when it is the narcissist who feels that way (e.g., “Stop getting angry all the time!” when the narcissist is the one who is shouting)
Coping With a Narcissistic Partner Through Therapy
While narcissism can cause a relationship to be very difficult, many partnerships can thrive even in spite of narcissistic tendencies if partners commit to therapy and strong relationship foundations. For the individual whose partner is narcissistic, therapy can equip them with the tools they need to maintain their sense of self and put a stop to problematic behaviors, or to recover from an ended relationship with a narcissistic partner.
Self-care
One of the central focuses of individual therapy for partners of narcissistic individuals is self-care. You must be sure to take care of your own needs, because a narcissistic partner will tend to make everything about themselves. Dedicating your efforts solely to your partner and their wants can leave you feeling neglected and empty.
Good self-care can also create resilience against manipulation tactics. Be confident in what you remember and experience, and be good to yourself when considering how you feel. In a narcissistic relationship, it can be easy to downplay negative emotions or question your interpretation of events because you believe you may be overreacting—which can feed into the manipulative tendencies of your partner.
Setting boundaries
Another essential skill developed during individual therapy is the ability to set boundaries. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies may frequently push a person’s comfort levels or attempt to get them to justify their decisions in an effort to undermine their reasoning. To set strong boundaries:
- Be specific – Instead of “It would be great if you would stop texting me before noon, since I am in meetings,” use, “I am not available from 9am to 12pm, and I will not respond to texts during this time.”
- Avoid justification – When a narcissist tries to get you to accept their behavior by undermining the reasons behind your boundaries, do not give in. Instead of “I don’t want you to text me because it’s distracting,” use, “My decision is final” or, “This is my choice.”
- Say no – It can be hard to say no to someone you love, but it is necessary. Practice saying no without feelings of guilt so that you can confidently say no when posed with more difficult conversations. A therapist’s office is a great place to practice!
Establish Strong Boundaries With Help from Individual Therapy
Building a strong relationship with a narcissistic partner is possible, but it takes work. The experts at Village Counseling are happy to help you develop the skills necessary to remain true to yourself in a narcissistic relationship.
If you are recovering from a previous relationship with a a narcissistic partner, individual therapy can help you rebuild yourself. Contact Village Counseling to set up an appointment for individual therapy and meet our team!