If you see the possibility of marriage in your future, you might have heard of premarital counseling. At the same time, maybe you’ve heard that therapy is for couples who are struggling. So is going for an appointment smart if your relationship is healthy, or is it unnecessary?
The reality is that couples therapy can set you up with a strong foundation for communication and problem-solving. However, these are not the only benefits of couples therapy.
Is premarital counseling worth it? It really depends on what you contribute. If you come into the experience proactive and ready to succeed, you will gain more from it than if you are doing it begrudgingly.
There is no need to be anxious about admitting that you want help. The fact that you are considering couples therapy means that you are making a confident, well-informed choice to support your relationship however you can!
This guide is for people considering premarital counseling when planning their wedding or considering a proposal to their significant other. It’ll outline what usually happens in couples therapy before marriage so you know what to expect, and the most common challenges couples encounter throughout marriage.
There is a direct relationship between what you learn in premarital counseling and the success of your marriage later.
Why Do Couples Consider Therapy Before Marriage?
Couples therapy looks different for everyone, but for premarital situations specifically, people might rely on it to set a baseline.
Premarital counseling has been associated with stronger communication and less relationship stress, especially early on when the marriage is fragile. Its purpose is to help couples understand where they are emotionally and practically. Therapy allows couples to identify areas that may pit them against each other.
It is common for people to consider therapy if they are worried about money fights in marriage, blending their families, the role of in-laws, or differing visions of the future.
However, you do not need to have a specific idea in mind before you go in. Some people try therapy just because they want to start their new marriage strong, and a therapist may help them identify where conflict might be lurking. The ability to learn preemptively about where you or your partner might struggle is the highlight of premarital counseling’s benefits.
What Premarital Counseling Looks Like
Because your therapist will focus on the roadblocks and synergies that are specific to the two of you, it is impossible to say exactly what your counseling will look like. In general, the therapist will speak to you to learn more about your life, history, and any challenges you are already aware of. They will be listening not just to your answers but also to how the two of you engage with each other. This can help them identify additional areas for improvement that you might not have noticed.
Common premarital counseling topics include:
- How to listen to feedback without getting upset
- Preparing for marriage emotionally
- Options for handling finances (e.g., joint accounts versus single accounts)
- How to set boundaries with family
- Verbalizing long-term goals and fears
- Aligning on view of spirituality, ethics, politics, etc. (or finding how to disagree)
- Understanding intimate and sexual expectations
These are just a few of the areas that a therapist might target during your sessions. For some, these concerns are easily solved, or you might have already discussed them. It is normal not to fully understand or anticipate what you might talk about. The purpose is for your therapist to bring new ideas and possibilities to mind so that you can preemptively understand how you and your partner would manage a situation or idea.
Communication skills for couples, built in the pre-marriage period, carry across a lifetime if they are cultivated and practiced. If you encounter a strong difference of opinion or ways of doing things in couples therapy, do not view it as a failing. Instead, see it as an opportunity to resolve the challenge or create a strong strategy with your partner, all with the assistance of a professional.
Add Premarital Therapy to Your Pre-Marriage Planning
Before you get married or propose to your loved one, consider asking if they would be willing to go to premarital counseling with you. Investment on both sides is an indicator of future success, and early therapy can give you invaluable skills, tools, attitudes, and knowledge that will serve your marriage later.
No couple wants to be one of the more than half of marriages that end in divorce, and couples counseling is one resource at your disposal to improve the odds. Contact Village Counseling to schedule your pre-marriage planning, learn more about your partner (and yourself), and set your relationship up for success over the long term.