It is normal for people to experience stress about money. For those who find money matters to be a source of conflict, finding a solution can feel confusing. Relationship stress can slowly erode the bond between two people and make problem-solving even more of a challenge. The good news is that couples therapy can help.
Financial stress can create relationship tension through various means, including differing money values and spending habits. While these conflicts can happen in a vacuum, they rarely do; these challenges often mask deeper relationship issues. Couples therapy can help you and your partner address financial concerns and gain emotional relief using strategies such as improved communication and creating shared financial goals.
How Financial Tension Happens
Two people rarely mirror each other in terms of financial attitudes; these differences do not always cause conflict. However, when they do, the tension often comes down to:
Money Values
One of the significant disagreements couples have is over how their money should be spent. Some people value savings, putting money that is not for essentials into a savings account or retirement fund. Others enjoy spending randomly on impulse buying. Others take their time and thoroughly analyze the need to make a non-essential purchase. When two people with differing money values get together, conflict and emotional turmoil may be the outcome.
Spending Habits
Even if two people agree about the general concept of expenses, their habits could cause conflict. If one person gambles their money away or makes large purchases, the other could grow resentful. This is especially true if the two share a bank account, meaning one partner is disproportionately using joint money.
It works the other way, too, though! If one partner is a penny pincher, the other could feel deprived and unable to enjoy life as they want to.
Income Diversity
When two partners make significantly different incomes, knowing how to manage money becomes more complex. Do you split bills 50/50, even though one person is making less? Does the higher earner automatically pay for more even though they are also responsible for housework? Shouldn’t the lower earner get a higher-paying job? These questions can cause significant tension.
Lack of Transparency
Couples hiding their spending or being dishonest about money matters is one of the top reasons for divorce according to studies. If someone is making purchases without their spouse’s knowledge or has debts they have not disclosed, the home’s finances can quickly erode into a stressful muddle.
Ego
Sometimes, even if partners agree on financial matters, a person’s disposition can cause stress. For example, if one partner disagrees with the nature of the other partner’s purchases (e.g., a husband spends his saved money on a gaming console but the wife thinks video games are a waste), they can begin to develop resentment due to their ego. This, in turn, can impact other parts of the relationship negatively.
How Therapy Helps Couples Address Concerns
Because financial stress comes from many sources, couples therapy takes a more holistic approach. A therapist helps couples to address concerns at the base level through:
Communication
Therapy is an excellent place to discuss money. Good communication is essential for clarifying what you think about money, how you perceive your partner’s attitude about finance, and what problems are arising. Therapists help couples articulate these thoughts clearly and without emotional hang-ups so they can understand each person’s basic position.
Goal Planning
Couples therapy is also valuable for creating steps that inform a couple’s financial approach. In many cases, breaking down spending limits, savings goals, and other financial matters into a delineated process removes much of the conflict since there are now mutually agreed-upon “rules” to follow. A therapist can help to set these up.
Therapeutic Approaches
It is essential to remember that transparency is one of the most valuable elements in a relationship. It speaks to trust and a foundation of vulnerability, and in some cases, it can take some practice to get good at being transparent. Couples therapy can assist with learning these skills and coping with stressors as they arise, from basic breathing exercises to other strategies that help couples ease internal tension separate from the problem.
Try Therapy to Budget With Confidence
Are you experiencing financial stress in your relationship? If so, couples therapy can help. Contact Village Counseling today to schedule a therapy session and learn the strategies needed to ease stress and get on the same page about finances.