If you fall outside the cishet, neurotypical category, you likely already know that some of the things many people take for granted can be difficult to achieve. Finding a safe community is one such thing. For many trans and neurospicy queer people, the primary place to build a supportive circle is online, but how do you find an online community you can trust and flourish in? Talking to an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist in Maryland is a great start, as they can recommend places they trust.
However, you will likely also need to do some digging to find the communities that intersect with your identity, demographic, and interests in just the way you like. This can take multiple attempts; do not be discouraged if you do not seem to fit into a group. It happens! Here are some tips for finding your community online and building a circle of support as a trans or neurospicy queer.
The Power of Community
Did you know that people on the LGBTQ+ spectrum are more predisposed to being lonely than the average person? This is a multifaceted issue: they may struggle with acceptance, have difficulty accepting themselves, or feel uncomfortable being active participants with others. Community is essential for support, and trans/neurospicy people can sometimes find it challenging to achieve.
The lack of a welcoming community has important effects, too. For instance, loneliness as part of one’s gender identity has been tied to significantly higher rates of depression and other mental health challenges than the average cishet population. For many, loneliness directly translates to a lower quality of health.
Building Your Tribe Online
If finding a community has been a challenge for you, you may not know where to start when it comes to finding like-minded people. The good news is that support is out there; you simply need to look.
Start With Custom-Made Places
Many trans and neurospicy people find their first community support options through their individual therapist. Therapists can recommend support groups such as TrevorSpace and Trans Lifeline as a good place to start.
These large communities are often the first point of contact for people new to online groups, and many choose to remain active participants for years. However, many more continue to branch out and find additional groups catering to their needs.
Branch Into Intersected Communities
Is there a specific hobby or interest that brings you joy? Using social media sites such as Reddit or Tumblr, you can find a supportive group that blends your identity and interests. For those who struggle with masking, some neurospicy people find that IT-related work is ideal, as it decreases the time they must spend engaging with others (e.g., in customer-facing positions such as retail). As a result, IT also tends to be a melting pot for furries, who in and of themselves present a much higher demographic percentage of trans people.
Similarly, speedrunning (the competitive act of playing a video game fast) has a high intersection with trans and non-binary participation. In some spaces, certain hobbies are almost synonymous with gender identity variety and acceptance.
Target the Support You Need
Your interests should determine the types of groups you seek, but consider your practical situation. Those from ethnic backgrounds that are less supportive of gender identity considerations may benefit from support from similar peers. The challenges experienced by a black transman with significant top dysphoria may be very different from the difficulties of a neurodivergent cisgender individual with no desire for surgery. Discord and Facebook can both be active spaces for such targeted groups.
Observe First
When you find a group you are interested in, bear in mind to stay safe and observe first. Knowing the tone, moderation rules, and type of participation in the group can help you succeed. Never give out personally identifying information, and preserve your wellness; you are not obligated to participate at times or to any extent you do not want to. Online communities are resources, not responsibilities, and they should support you, not tear you down. If they are not working for you, leaving is always a valid option.
Flourish With an LGBTQ+ Therapist
Are you struggling to find your tribe online? If so, an affirming therapist can help! From pointing you toward trustworthy points of contact to helping you manage the difficulties of your trans or neurospicy identity in person, therapy can be an invaluable tool in your toolkit. Contact Village Counseling to set up a therapy appointment and see the difference it can make for you, your identity, and your sense of community!