Intimacy is a key aspect of relationships, but it does not always come naturally or remain consistent. In fact, maintaining intimacy can be challenging, and for relationships that have already lost that spark, getting it back can feel like a monumental task. The good news is that couples therapy is one avenue for rekindling intimacy—which is more than just sexual connection—and strengthening a relationship.
Therapy utilizes numerous techniques to enhance intimacy between partners, such as guided discussions, trust-building activities, and sensory-focused exercises. Although every couple is different, some practices consistently help people to build bonds regardless of their situation as long as both participants are engaging actively.
Here’s how these therapeutic approaches facilitate deeper emotional connections, improve communication, and help partners express their needs and desires more effectively in their relationships.
Guided Discussion
One of the most commonly used therapy methods to improve intimacy is guided discussion. The reason discussion-based activities are a frequent place to start in therapy is because they work well and set a strong foundation for future guidance. The therapist will begin by asking each partner how they perceive their current intimate situation.
This can occur when both partners are in the same room, or they may start therapy separately and come together later (such as if they do not feel comfortable sharing these details with each other at first). Once the therapist has a clear picture of both individuals’ situations, the couple comes together in therapy for a guided discussion.
The therapist helps to set a trajectory for the conversation, leading both partners through self-reflective questions while keeping them on track. They may ask pointed queries to direct the discussion toward areas they believe the partners will find helpful, such as:
- What positive events or interactions can you think of when you felt your need for intimacy was being met?
- How do you define intimacy?
- Are there areas of intimacy in which you are currently not satisfied?
- If you could change something about your relationship to increase intimacy, what would it be?
Trust-Building Activities
Another option that therapists may use is trust-building activities. These can happen both inside and outside the therapist’s office. Building trust helps to strengthen the bond between people, allowing them to connect on deeper levels. Some activities that a therapist may recommend include:
- Eye gazing – They say that the eyes are the windows into the soul, and science supports this concept—feelings of arousal, connection, and fondness are all associated with looking into someone’s eyes. While this exercise can feel uncomfortable at first (because people are not used to maintaining eye contact for so long), couples should try to look directly into their partner’s eyes for as long as possible, saying nothing but allowing a part of their bodies to touch (most commonly the knees).
- Sharing secrets – For some, lost intimacy can stem from a feeling that everything is routine and nothing is new in the relationship. Couples can share previously unknown information about themselves to bring intrigue back. These items need not be significant; even something as simple as a memory from childhood can help two people connect.
Sensory-Focused Experiences
While intimacy may be many things for many people, it typically includes physical touch. In partners who have lost the intimate spark, simply rekindling an attention to physical contact can help to jumpstart intimate connection.
The therapist may guide couples through sensory-focused activities in which partners touch each other and describe what they feel—not in a sexual manner, but using descriptors such as texture, warmth, or pressure. This process can resynchronize a person’s association between their partner and an attention to touch.
Map-Building
Just as people find it easier to navigate a city when they use a map, couples can navigate their relationships with greater confidence when they know what to expect. Map-building refers to mapping out a person’s knowledge of their partner, updating incorrect information, and having a strong understanding of the other person.
A therapist can guide couples in completing this task, encouraging each participant to list things they know about their partner.
- Who are their best friends?
- What causes them to become stressed?
- What activities help to calm them down?
The other partner can then correct any misunderstood information, add their own notes, and more. Using guided questioning, therapists can equip each partner with a more detailed map of the other person from which they can build a deeper and more informed connection.
Deepen Intimacy with Couples Therapy
Intimacy may wax and wane over the course of a relationship, but when it is the source of struggle and conflict, seeking outside help can be beneficial. The experts at Village Counseling can help couples to improve their intimate connection and create a strong foundation for their relationship. Contact Village Counseling to schedule a couples therapy appointment.